I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
