were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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