I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He did a backflip because drugs
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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