Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
