i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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