Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this will be a night to untag.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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