I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
