I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i came on her dog
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize