God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
