so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
