I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
