How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
