She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
