Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
