garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You're like the curious george of whores
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
