I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
