I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
