Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
