went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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