you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
