I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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