Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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