Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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