Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
