My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
