I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
