Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
