guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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