Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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