does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
