is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
