So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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