I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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