can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
