I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
