Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
