slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
