I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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