Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
