I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
