I think im going to throw up on grandma
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
