And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
