If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
