And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
