My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
