Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
