matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
