Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
