Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
