aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize