Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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