I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
