apparently the secret to your success is patron
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
