Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
