I wanna bring you to show and tell
it wasn't lemon gatorade
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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