this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
