She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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