She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
