Just fell off a train. Bad.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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