nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
