i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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