I have demons in me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
