but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
