woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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