i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
