Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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