its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
