Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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