Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
