Soap is not a condiment
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
