Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
