and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
50% drunk capacity currently
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
