Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
