Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
