i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
